


La Vie en Rose

by convexxed



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Berry told me not to break her heart so, High School, Hurt/Comfort, Kyungsoo is sweet, Light Angst, M/M, Romance, Slice of Life, Teen Romance, and Baekhyun is my baby, hanahaki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-24
Updated: 2017-09-24
Packaged: 2019-01-04 16:27:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12172548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/convexxed/pseuds/convexxed
Summary: Flowers were growing inside Baekhyun's body and the thorns were tearing him apart.





	La Vie en Rose

**Author's Note:**

  * For [berry_sooffle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/berry_sooffle/gifts).



> HELLO. I never thought I'd be writing a 7.3k piece out of a random thought but here I am. This is for my wonderful friend Berry's birthday, by the way! Writing Baeksoo was so refreshing despite the theme being somewhat dark haha but I'd also been meaning to write hanahaki au for a while and this seemed like the perfect chance to give it a shot! BERRY, MY DEAREST, MY SUNSHINE!! I hope you have a wonderful day and that you enjoy this little piece heh I love you and I'm super grateful to have you as a friend ;__;

_It’s not fair._

This wasn’t normal, either, but the doctors couldn’t find anything strange in Baekhyun’s body when he paid a visit the other day to get a check-up. Despite the burn in his throat and the tightness in his chest, nothing seemed to be wrong with him; he’d been perfectly healthy all his life, hence his justifiable worry over the symptoms he’d been experiencing for months and had forced him to undergo dozens of nights full of tossing and turning and waking up drenched in cold sweat.

_It’s not alright._

He didn’t know when it started, but it wasn’t always like this. He used to be cheerful and carefree, until the heartache struck and his throat started to close at seemingly random times, leaving him breathless and making his head spin. He’d done so much research on all kind of diseases that he was growing concerned that he might end up turning into a hypochondriac of sorts. Pneumonia? No. Tuberculosis? No. Laryngitis? No. What was it, then?

_It’s not—_

“Byun Baekhyun?”

The boy jerked awake when the Mr. Lee called his name in the middle of the lecture, his cheeks reddening in embarrassment from having fallen asleep again and getting exposed in front of his classmates. Failing this class was something that Baekhyun couldn’t afford, but keeping his eyes open and focusing were extremely difficult tasks that seemed to be getting harder by the day.

“Do you work night shift?” The older man asked, looking at Baekhyun through his glasses.

“No, sir.”

“Ah. Did you stay up studying, perhaps?” He insisted. Baekhyun shook his head weakly.

“N-no, sir. I did not.”

“I see.” The man leaned against his desk and raised a brow, making Baekhyun feel small and vulnerable although he wasn’t. “Should I assume, then, that the reason why you keep dozing off is that my class isn’t exciting enough for you?”

The red on Baekhyun’s cheeks darkened and spread to the tip of his ears, and he dropped his head to hide it from the curious eyes fixed on him. He could hear the hushed murmurs and feel the fingers pointing accusingly at him, making his heart race and stomach twist, and yet he managed to shake his head and steadily reply with a: “No, sir. Of course not.”

He waited until the murmurs had died down do look up and try to pay attention to the lecture, but then he knocked over his pen with his elbow and sent it rolling across the table until it eventually fell on the floor. Sighing, he leaned down to pick it up when the teacher wasn’t looking his way, and he almost immediately fell victim of the symptoms of his illness once more just as his fingers reached for the pen and closed around it. His heart ached as if he were on the brink of having a heart attack and his throat had suddenly gone dry, and soon enough Baekhyun started to heave and cough. He felt observed, too, and briefly pondered if this was how rat labs and insects felt under the scrutinizing gazes of the scientists testing on them. Baekhyun knew that there was a reason why he was strongly against animal testing, and now he’d confirmed why he hated it so much.

The coughing fit continued and filled his eyes with tears, but even amidst them he was able to make out the face of the man staring in his direction, probably wondering what the hell was wrong with him. Their gazes met and the tightness in his chest grew stronger, tears spilled from his eyes and his nails dug into the wooden surface of the desk while trying to keep himself together and stay grounded despite the pain he was in and how he kept choking up.

_This is your fault, Do Kyungsoo._

 

+++

 

“Are you sure you’re alright?” One of Baekhyun’s friends asked the next day during lunch, careful not to speak too loud.

“You should have a doctor check you. That wasn’t a normal coughing fit, and it seemed very painful.” Another one suggested, and a round of humming and nodding followed his words.

“My uncle went through something similar, and it turned out to be lung cancer.” The girl’s comment was received with gasps and concerned murmurs, along a roll of eyes courtesy of Baekhyun. 

“I don’t have lung cancer and I’m not dying.” He said while folding a napkin into a crane, trying to convince not only his friends but also himself that all was well and he didn’t need to worry over his condition. “It’s probably some weird allergy or…something of the like.”

It wasn’t. All tests for allergies came out negative and the only possible explanation to it that doctors could come up with was that he might have asthma but they weren’t too sure and perhaps Baekhyun should up his vitamin intake just in case. In the end, doctors had turned out to be as useless as everyone else who thought they had the answer to the mysterious disease wrecking Baekhyun and interfering with his daily activities, drastically affecting his life quality.

He was about to shove another mouthful of rice in his mouth when he fell short of breath again and the spoon slipped from his fingers as he brought his hands to his throat, bouncing onto the table and then falling to the floor with a clank, drawing the attention of nearby people and passersby—Do Kyungsoo included. 

“Baekhyun…?

He could hear the voices of his friends asking what was wrong and feel their hands rubbing his back in a comforting fashion, but he was currently unavailable. Baekhyun was coughing again and this time around there was something crawling up his throat, bringing stinging tears to his eyes and making it almost impossible for him to breathe, and the pain was so intense that he barely registered his nails digging into the tender flesh of his throat and drawing warm blood as he desperately scratched it. He needed to take out whatever was it clogging up and it must be done now, before it got worse.

One, two. Baekhyun hurriedly clasped hand over his mouth and spat something went and warm into it, sucking in a sharp breath and filling his lungs with precious air once his windpipe had unclogged. He was panting and sweating and tears kept rolling down his flushed cheeks and, strangely so, he could taste blood on his tongue. He slowly moved his hand away from his mouth and his eyes went wide in horror upon falling on the blood droplets staining his palm along with what seemed to be flower petals—red poppy ones, to be precise—, carefully picking one up and bringing it to his eye level to examine it.

“Byun, please follow me to the infirmary.” A teacher called, wrapping his hand around the boy’s arm to help him up but Baekhyun didn’t move. “Byun?”

People had gathered around Baekhyun’s table to try and get a better look at him and he suddenly became scared that his deepest secret might be unveiled and exposed if he got stared at for too long. He couldn’t let anyone past the walls he’d put around his heart to keep it safe, and he couldn’t afford to let them see beyond his smiles and jokes and vibrant personality. They mustn’t know about the longing gazes aimed at a certain boy and the deep sighs that the thought alone of him evoked, and absolutely nobody should have the slightest suspicion of Baekhyun’s sexual orientation. He wasn’t ashamed of it and there was nothing wrong with liking boys instead of girls, but he’d rather keep that kind of information private…especially since there was a boy whom he had been watching from afar for some time, now, and he couldn’t fathom the idea of him finding out about Baekhyun’s feelings.

Do Kyungsoo shouldn’t be made aware of them. Baekhyun spotted him peering over from behind a girl with bleached hair, and he didn’t look distraught in the slightest by the strange occurrence taking place in the middle of the cafeteria. Rather, he seemed to be intrigued by it and Baekhyun hated it. Ah, if only Kyungsoo knew that he was the root of Baekhyun’s current problems! He glanced down at the red petals on his palm and curled his fingers around them in a tight fist, forcing the lump in his throat to go down. He didn’t need to hear the opinion of another useless doctor to know what his issue was.

Baekhyun calmly got up from his seat and fled the cafeteria, leaving behind him a trail of flower petals and confusion among the students and teachers. Curious, Kyungsoo moved to stand where is started and bent down to pick up the petal by his feet, setting it back down before walking away.

 

+++

 

_The Hanahaki Disease is an illness born from one-sided love, where the patient throws up and coughs flower petals when they suffer from it. The infection can be removed through surgery, but the feelings will disappear along with the petals._

“Great,” Baekhyun groaned, running his fingers through his hair and heaving out a sigh as he slumped into his swivel chair, “there are flowers growing in my lungs. They’ll eventually clog up my respiratory system and windpipe and I’ll be gone. Lovely. I’m turning into a _fucking_ living garden. What a joke.”

It was no laughing matter, though. This disease could kill Baekhyun if left untreated, and such was a fate that the boy didn’t fancy in the slightest and would rather avoid at all costs. But how?

“Alright, Baekhyun. Not everything is lost yet and there is still hope.” He said to himself, patting his cheeks and trying to remain positive despite the predicament he was in. “I can either get this thing surgically removed along my feelings for Kyungsoo or have him magically reciprocate them…which likely won’t happen in a thousand years.”

In other words, his only two options were having a surgery to save his life but forget about Kyungsoo, or die like a fool in love. Somehow, he found the latter to be less embarrassing than undergoing a medical procedure and having a scalpel cut him open just because of his one-sided love for a guy who wasn’t aware of Baekhyun’s feelings and probably wouldn’t care even if he knew about them.

“I guess I’ll die, then.” Baekhyun declared in a nonchalant tone as he threw his head back and stared up at the ceiling, digging out some memories to pass the time; they wouldn’t improve his situation in the slightest, but he didn’t have anything else to do and he liked going over that first encounter with Kyungsoo six months ago. Had he known that the outcome of it would be this life-threatening mess, perhaps things would’ve been different—or not, because Baekhyun might’ve ended up catching feelings for some other guy who didn’t like him back. This seemed to be an unavoidable fate that Baekhyun couldn’t escape from.

There was nothing romantic in the way he and Kyungsoo met. In fact, it had been so painfully ordinary that it took Baekhyun a few months to acknowledge the tingling sensation in his chest and to give it a name, but by the time he did it the gears were already moving and he found himself falling head-over-heels overnight for Do Kyungsoo without warning. Why? How? They’d exchanged glances a few times and spoken once or twice, so why were his feelings for the other boy so strong? It’d make sense if Kyungsoo had done anything remarkable for him but alas, such wasn’t the case and Baekhyun couldn’t help but think that it was both stupid and amazing how he’d manage to develop feelings for someone he knew almost nothing about and wasn’t even friends with.

What was there not to like about Do Kyungsoo, though? He had nice facial features that included bushy eyebrows, large eyes, and round and soft cheeks, and when he smiled his lips formed a heart that made Baekhyun’s own skip a beat or two. He seemed to be over the whole puberty awkward stage and he’d been gifted with a lovely baritone voice that complemented perfectly his mature yet enigmatic personality that had captured Baekhyun’s interest and rooted deep in his heart, and refused to go anywhere.

Besides, he was good at track and running and basketball Baekhyun gradually found himself starting to look forward PE class since it was the only time where he could enjoy the sight of a sweaty and flushed Kyungsoo in sports gear sprinting down the field or jumping around and scoring points with a big grin on his face. At first Baekhyun couldn’t understand why that made him indescribably happy and decided that it must be because he’d never been good at sports and seeing someone enjoy them so much was fulfilling. That made sense, right? Then, why didn’t he feel the same thrill when he looked at his other classmates?

Could Baekhyun even consider himself in love with someone he barely knew anything about? Kyungsoo was good at school, had a small yet tight group of friends, and liked sports and videogames, but Baekhyun had no idea of what was his favourite colour or what food he liked. Did he have any pets? What were his dreams for the future? Did he like boys, like him, or was he into girls? He’d never seen Kyungsoo with a girl before but he could be dating someone from outside the school, right? That didn’t matter much, anyway, because Baekhyun wouldn’t stand a chance with Kyungsoo even if he was single and into guys.

Sighing, Baekhyun started his webcam and worked on making himself look as decent as possible for someone who’d been up for twenty-six hours straight and coughed flower petals at school, in front of everyone at the cafeteria. He was upset and frustrated and he didn’t have time or patience to put up with this amount of ridiculousness.

 

+++

 

_Hello. My name is Byun Baekhyun, but who cares. That’s not important. I have a very strange disease—no, don’t worry, it’s not contagious—but it could potentially kill me, eradicate me from this world, wipe my existence from Earth. Painfully and slowly, just like loving someone who’ll never reciprocate your feelings. You see, I was calmly having lunch when I suddenly started coughing flower petals and it felt as if there were a thousand blades in my throat, tearing it apart from the inside out and leaving me breathless. Who would’ve thought that something so delicate and beautiful could cause so much pain and be so destructive? Anyway. I’m dying and, while I’m not okay with that because no one wants to die like this, I’m not going to do anything to change my fate. Just do me a favour when I’m gone, will you? Don’t bring flowers to my funeral._

 

+++

 

“You look terrible,” his mother pointed the next day when he came downstairs for dinner, noticing the dark circles under her son’s bloodshot eyes and sluggish movements as he made his way over to the table and took a seat. “Rough day at school?”

Baekhyun smiled weakly and shrugged, reaching for his bowl of rice and shoving a spoonful into his mouth. “Sort of.”

_Mother, I’m dying. Love is killing me slowly, and terribly painfully._

“Try not to slack of too much. You’re graduating this year, after all, and your grades are good enough to get you into a nice university.” The woman said, pointing her chopsticks at Baekhyun before stealing a piece of meat from his plate. “Maybe even a scholarship, if we’re lucky.”

_Mother, I might not make it to graduation day._

“That would be great,” Baekhyun agreed, shooting his mother a glare when she stole his meat. He decided to eat the biggest dumpling as revenge. “I’ll work hard so don’t worry. I’ve just had a lot of homework and haven’t slept much.”

“Oh, I don’t want you to overwork yourself, either.” Baekhyun’s mother said with a sigh, feeling a slight pang of guilt in her chest after taking another look at her son and noticing the exhaustion etched onto his features. “Just do your best, darling. Your father and I are very proud of you already and nothing could change that.”

Baekhyun flashed her a weak smile and ate another dumpling in silence.

_Mother, there are flowers growing inside my body and the thorns are tearing me apart._

 

+++

 

A week had passed since Baekhyun found out about his fatal condition and he hasn’t told anyone about it, yet, having decided that keeping it a secret from even his parents would be the best way to deal with his disease. Since it was impossible for the object of his affection to return his feelings and he wasn’t going to spend his money on a surgery to have the lower petals removed from his lungs, death seemed to be the only way to get out of this pinch.

How long would it take for the end to come? Would it be days, or maybe months? Until then, Baekhyun planned to continue living his life the way he usually did and he certainly wouldn’t relinquish his one-sided love for the charismatic and talented Kyungsoo. It might be painful but those feelings were genuine and they were his, and thus it was entirely up to him whether to keep them or not. And he wanted to be in love for a little longer, until his days were over. He wanted to die knowing what loving someone was, even if he never got to learn what it felt like to be loved in return.

“Watch out!” 

The next thing that Baekhyun knew was that he was lying on the floor with a throbbing head and white dots staining his vision, and something warm was dripping out of his nose as a basketball ball rolled away as if trying to flee from the scene. PE class was a literal pain and Baekhyun would gladly avoid it if given the chance, but he was an overall healthy young man whose only disease was the one that caused him to cough petals and he wasn’t about to use that as an excuse to skip the only class where he could see sportsman Kyungsoo in action.

“Are you okay? Oh, shit. You’re bleeding.”

Speak of the devil. Do Kyungsoo was hovering over him with a concerned expression and an apologetic look in his eyes, pressing a handkerchief to Baekhyun’s nose as he helped him sit up. Thrown off by the sudden proximity between their bodies and all the attentions he was getting from his long-time crush, Baekhyun thought that he might actually faint this time around. (He didn’t, thankfully.)

“What happened?” He asked, tipping his head backwards and holding the handkerchief to his nose, trying not to think too much of how gently Kyungsoo was holding his lower back and goodness, the peachy flush over his round cheeks was absolutely wonderful. Despite being painful, Baekhyun was grateful to have fallen for such a soft and caring boy like Kyungsoo instead of some problematic asshole.

“Ah, I missed a pass and the ball went in your direction.” Kyungsoo explained, looking a tad bashful. “I tried to warn you but…sorry about your nose.”

“Don’t be. It wasn’t on purpose.”

Kyungsoo smiled and lightly patted Baekhyun’s back as he gazed towards the court, and the latter clutched his chest when it started to ache and feel tight, making it hard for him to breathe properly. Why now? Was he expected to be able to deal with those damn flower petals and a nosebleed simultaneously?

“You can go back, if you want.” He said, hoping that Kyungsoo’s ears wouldn’t pick up the slight desperation that his voice carried. “I promise I’m fine. Go.”

Kyungsoo hesitated but he eventually decided to take up onto Baekhyun’s words and returned to the court to finish the game, whereas the latter used this chance to scurry out of the gym and rush to the restrooms, tumbling into a stall and locking himself in there.

_It’s coming._

Baekhyun took a deep breath and braced for the coughing fit that followed, hunching over the toilet seat and gripping the sides with trembling fingers, his vision going blurry as tears filled his eyes. A couple droplets of blood fell into the toilet and he watched as they faded, then retched once, twice before the coughing fit started and petals flower petals spilled from his mouth. This time around they came in various shapes, colours, and sizes, along with thorns that dug into his flesh and pricked at his tongue. It hurt.

“Shit.” He reached out to flush the toilet and sat against the door with his head in his hands and fingers tugging at the roots of his hair, droplets of cold sweat mixed with warm tears dripping down his cheeks. 

Baekhyun’s health was quickly deteriorating as the disease worsened, and who knew how long it’d take for it to become fatal and take the boy’s life once his body was no longer strong enough to cope with the pain and the flowers growing in his lungs made it impossible for him to breathe. Huh, maybe he wouldn’t mind dying peacefully in his sleep—

_You could get the flowers removed._ A voice in his head reminded him, and Baekhyun covered his ears and squeezed his eyes shut, as if that would make any difference. _Is he worth dying for? What’s so special about him that you refuse to give him up?_

“I don’t know.” Baekhyun cried out as he curled into himself and wept, unaware that the game had ended five minutes ago and of the person standing outside the stall, listening quietly as he retched and threw up again when another coughing fit struck him. 

_I wish I knew._

 

+++

 

“Byun Baekhyun, right?”

The boy looked up upon hearing his name being called, cheeks stuffed with a mouthful of pork steamed bun and brows raised in shock, his heart beating fast because _the_ Do Kyungsoo (and the root of all his troubles) was standing before him, holding a tray in his hands. He nodded.

“Mind if I sit here?” He asked, and Baekhyun forced the food down his throat before shaking his head and wiping his lips with a napkin. “Thanks.”

While Baekhyun didn’t mind that his long-time crush wanted to spend lunch with him, he couldn’t help but wonder _why_ because he’d never paid so much attention to him before, except for that time he almost broke his nose and went to check on him to make sure he wasn’t badly injured. Despite this being almost like a dream, having his world suddenly turned upside down made Baekhyun feel anxious and scared but who knew when or if he’d ever have the chance to have lunch with Kyungsoo? He’d better make the most out of this situation, he decided.

“Where are your friends?” The newcomer asked, poking a straw into his carton of chocolate milk and taking a sip. Baekhyun cocked his head.

“Busy.”

“Ah, I see.” Kyungsoo nodded and ate a spoonful of rice, still smiling at the other. “Mine, too. I’m sorry if this is too bold—and I’ll understand if you’d rather not answer—but I was wondering if you were okay.”

Baekhyun froze mid-bite, the blood draining from his cheeks and heart dropping to his stomach. What an irony! Only Do Kyungsoo would have the nerve to ask him if he was doing alright when Baekhyun’s one-sided love for him was making him sick, but he couldn’t find it in himself to lay the blame on someone who couldn’t possibly know about his feelings. Kyungsoo seemed to be genuinely concerned about his health and the realisation made Baekhyun’s heart jump in glee, but also triggered an internal chain reaction that would eventually result in the worst coughing fit he’d experienced so far. He couldn’t explain how he knew this, but he did and it scared him.

“Yeah, I am, but thanks for your concern. It’s appreciated.” Baekhyun said, forcing a smile to divert Kyungsoo’s attention from the dark circles under his eyes. “It’s just…allergies.”

“Must be the worst kind if they make you have such terrible reactions.” 

Baekhyun huffed and bit his lower lip, anger bubbling inside him and replacing the embarrassment and anxiety. He wanted to yell at Kyungsoo that this was his fault, that he wouldn’t be going through this if he hadn’t fallen for him, that he didn’t want his pity and concern—he wanted to yell at him that he didn’t want to die, but he didn’t want to undergo an unnecessary surgery, either. In the end, he couldn’t help but be selfish and blame Kyungsoo for every bad thing that recently happened to him.

“Precisely,” he strained out, swallowing down the lump in his throat and pushing away his leftover food, the nausea chasing away his appetite. This whole situation was conflicting and extremely confusing because, despite having the object of his affection’s full attention on him, all Baekhyun wanted to do was run away and hide. Feelings were more complicated than dramas and books had taught him. “But I’m fine. Really. It’s nothing to worry about.”

_I’m dying because of you, and you have the nerve to ask if I’m alright._

“I know that we aren’t close, but I wanted you to know that—”

Baekhyun couldn’t take it anymore. 

“That I have a friend in you and can talk to you about anything? That you’ll listen to me vent out about whatever’s burdening me? That I can make it through this because I’m stronger than I believe myself to be?” He said, his voice growing louder and cracking as emotion took over, balling his hands into fists out of frustration. 

Never had he felt so helpless and frustrated before, and he didn’t seem to be able to shake off the annoying sensation that Kyungsoo was purposefully rubbing his misfortune on his face. (Although that was just his aching heart and crippling fear messing with him.) Kyungsoo was staring at him with wide and glassy eyes, confusion and hurt written all over his face and cheeks growing red in embarrassment as the usual chatter filling the cafeteria died down and several pairs of eyes turned their way.

“I was just trying to be nice. There was no need for you to say those things.” Kyungsoo murmured, visibly uncomfortable with all the attention they were getting and also annoyed by Baekhyun’s sudden outburst. “I don’t know what your problem is but treating people like this won’t take you anywhere.”

Chocolate milk flew everywhere when Baekhyun smashes the carton with his fist, its contents spilling over the surface of the table and landing on their uniforms and faces. Droplets of the sweet drink trickled down Kyungsoo’s cheek and dripped onto his white shirt, staining it a milky brown that would be difficult to wash off and might earn the boy some scolding from his mother. 

_Good. Have a taste of my pain._

“You.” Baekhyun strained out, slowly standing from his seat despite the guilt and heartache trying to weigh him down, clutching the front of his shirt when breathing started to become harder. “You have no idea of everything I’ve been through.”

“I’ve never done anything to you. At least not intentionally.” Kyungsoo said in return, furrowing his eyebrows. “Have I ever hurt you? If so, please tell me where I went wrong.”

That’s right. All of Baekhyun’s troubles were Kyungsoo’s fault but at the same time weren’t, because he hadn’t put a gun to his head and forced him to fall in love with him. Heck, he hadn’t even done anything to lead Baekhyun on, so why was he being irrational and blaming him for his own suffering? Because he was ignorant. No, because he was pitying him and Baekhyun didn’t need any of that. No. He was upset at Kyungsoo because his concern was genuine and it hurt to have him so close, yet out of his reach. It hurt to remember that he would die without knowing what it was like to be loved by someone so sweet and caring, and that the chances of his feelings being reciprocated (even if he confessed) were practically nonexistent.

Would making Kyungsoo aware of his situation change anything? No. He’d only make him feel guilty and the poison spreading through Baekhyun’s body wasn’t meant to be shared; this was his own burden to carry, and if he couldn’t save his heart from breaking then at least he should try to keep Kyungsoo’s intact.

Sometimes love meant letting go instead of clinging to the point of dragging down the other party, and leaving Kyungsoo out of this would be the purest, most sincere act of love he’d ever do for anyone.

_I’m letting you go._

The pain that cut through Baekhyun this time around was the sweet kind (if there was even such thing), but tears filled his eyes nonetheless as warmth spread across his chest and more petals clogged his throat, his body buzzing in a rather pleasant way despite the burn in his lungs and heavy heart. Was the end near?

“Baekhyun?” Kyungsoo asked cautiously, aware of the eyes fixed on them and following their every move.

The boy slowly dropped his hand after quietly coughing into it to reveal the flower petals in his palm, stained with blood and soaked in his saliva, giving Kyungsoo enough time to lean in and take a good look before crushing them, reducing the poppy and rose petals to mush.

“You did nothing wrong.” Baekhyun strained out after a moment of thick silence, offering Kyungsoo an apologetic smile that might not be enough to make up for his foolishness before wiping his lips with the back of his hand, smearing some blood over them. “I’m so sorry.”

And then he calmly walked away without any further explanation, hushed voices rising over the silence until the cafeteria was filled with confused and curious murmurs that clung to Baekhyun’s ears and tugged at the strings of his heart even after he walked out and ran off to find some shelter. Bathroom stalls weren’t the best places to hide but they at least offered moderate privacy and a toilet for Baekhyun to puke in if another coughing fit struck him, and he doubted that Kyungsoo would come looking after him.

_Have I ever hurt you? If so, please tell me where I went wrong._

Baekhyun leaned against the door and slid down to the floor with a whimper, clutching his chest and allowing his eyes to shut, tasting blood and chocolate milk when he poked his tongue out to wet his lips.

_Bittersweet._

 

+++

 

He’d never gotten run over by a car before, but Baekhyun wondered if this was what it felt like. His body ached from head to toe in varying degrees of pain, from an annoying buzz in his head to a burning sensation in the pit of his stomach and invisible needles pricking over his legs—but his heart was oddly quiet and unresponsive and Baekhyun couldn’t pinpoint why. Shouldn’t he be hurting more? (Not that he fancied the pain, but not knowing what was going on with him was just as bad.)

Maybe his heart was simply too worn out already to experience any further pain or even hopefulness, and the thought made a bitter smile spread across Baekhyun’s face. Yes, he was tired. He felt weak and powerless and upset at himself for being so immature and blaming Kyungsoo for something that wasn’t his fault. He wondered if now he hated him.

Knock, knock.

“Are you up?” His mother asked from the other side of the door, waiting for Baekhyun to give her green light to peek inside. “Someone came looking for you. I made him come in and wait in the living room because I need to get going. I should’ve left five minutes ago, actually, but I’m sure that your father won’t mind me being late.”

“For what?”

The woman smiled. “Anniversary dinner. There’s food in the fridge, mm? I’ll see you tonight.”

“Right,” Baekhyun nodded and offered a smile and thumbs up in return, wondering who had come to visit him. “Have fun and drink responsibly.”

Baekhyun made his way downstairs a couple minutes later after changing into a clean shirt and attempting to fruitlessly tame his hair, and he froze on the last step because he would’ve never imagined that he’d walk into his living room to find Do Kyungsoo himself seated on his couch, for once not wearing his uniform and dressed instead in jeans and a shirt. How had he found out where he lived? Did he ask around? Wasn’t he mad at him for yelling and causing a scene?

“What are you doing here?” He asked, slipping his hands into his pockets as he walked towards the couch, inwardly panicking when Kyungsoo stood up to confront him.

“I came to collect the explanation you owe me.”

Baekhyun shifted his weight and bit his lower lip, dropping his gaze to his feet as he found himself unable to look at Kyungsoo in the eye. “Listen, I’m sorry about what happened. I was really frustrated with you—”

“Why?” Kyungsoo asked.

“Because you seemed genuinely concerned about my health and I hated it. I felt like you were pitying me.”

“I wasn’t.”

“I know,” Baekhyun hurriedly added, taking a deep breath before finally looking up, “and I was wrong to think that way of you.”

“You said I had no idea of everything you’d been through.” Kyungsoo pressed, his expression softening and eyes filling with that concern that once bothered Baekhyun but now was making his heart skip one, maybe two beats.

“Yeah. This is going to sound crazy but it’s not allergies. Actually—”

“You’re sick.” Kyungsoo’s words lingered and Baekhyun could almost swear that his heart had stopped beating altogether, and for a long moment he simply stood there, completely speechless. He knew—ah, but maybe Kyungsoo hadn’t figured out yet that this was all about him. “And I know it’s bad. I looked up the symptoms and at first I refused to believe it because it _couldn’t_ be possible, but… the more I thought about it, the more sense it made.”

No way. A thick silence fell over both boys as they stared at each other, though soon enough Baekhyun started to feel flustered and was forced to look away lest to crumble down in front of Kyungsoo or lose his composure, and braced himself for whatever might come next whether it was a slap on the face or the other storming out of his house in disgust. Almost a whole minute went by in silence before Kyungsoo’s voice broke it, and Baekhyun felt himself swooning at how smooth and gentle it was. Maybe he was scared of further hurting him.

“So, is it true? Do you like me?”

Baekhyun hesitated, then realised that there would be no point in denying the truth that Kyungsoo was obviously aware of. He nodded, fidgeting some. “Yeah. I’ve felt that way for a while.”

“Are you going to die?”

“I don’t know. Maybe.”

“And you’re okay with that?” Kyungsoo asked incredulously, raising his voice slightly and furrowing his eyebrows.

“It’s either that or undergoing surgery I can’t afford.” Baekhyun explained sheepishly, running a hand through his hair and rubbing the back of his neck, heaving out a sigh. As if being busted wasn’t enough, now he had to explain all the details of his disease to the one that had unknowingly and unintentionally caused it. “The only other way to save myself would be for you to like me back but I know you don’t feel that way and I wouldn’t want you to pretend you do, out of pity.”

Kyungsoo’s frown deepened for a second before it vanished and his facial muscles relaxed again as he shook his head, the corners of his mouth twitching upwards. “I don’t pity you. Love is a wonderful thing.”

“Sometimes it hurts.”

“Well…every rose has its thorns, you know.” Kyungsoo reasoned, and Baekhyun let him have this one. He simply rolled his eyes and huffed, returning the faint smile that the object of his affection was offering him. “Would it okay if I dropped by tomorrow? I need to run some errands and I thought I could make a quick stop here.”

_I guess._

That was what Baekhyun had told Kyungsoo, and the latter had left with the promise of returning the following day although he didn’t say what business he had there and Baekhyun didn’t ask, too busy telling his heart to slow down and urging his hopes to not come up, but he was already fantasizing about all the possible reasons why Kyungsoo would want to see him again outside of school. Funny how the previous day he’d been worried and scared shitless of what Kyungsoo might think of him after finding out about his secret but now he couldn’t sleep because he couldn’t wait for tomorrow to come. Maybe not everything was lost, yet.

Fast forward a few hours and Baekhyun could barely sit still while waiting for Kyungsoo to arrive, and he practically jumped off the couch and rushed to the front door when a knock alerted him of the other’s arrival. Today he hadn’t had any coughing fits, either, and the tightness and pain in his chest seemed to have lessened overnight, and he’d also been able to hold down his breakfast. All small victories counted when you were at the brink of dying.

“Hey—” He greeted as soon as he opened the door and stepped aside to let Kyungsoo in, but the boy didn’t move an inch. Instead, he shoved a small bouquet of flowers into Baekhyun’s hands. “What is this?”

“What do you think? I picked them and made the arrangement myself.” Kyungsoo informed, and Baekhyun swore that he could detect a subtle hint of pride in his voice. “There’s red poppies, roses and pansies. See? I know they look funky put together like this but I wanted to make something meaningful using the same flower species you coughed at school the other day. I recognized them as soon as I saw the petals scattered about and I’ve been thinking about them ever since though that’s probably because red poppies are my favourite flowers.”

“I’m confused.” Baekhyun admitted at last and cocked his head, leaning his body against the doorframe and wondering what was the meaning behind Kyungsoo’s mysterious smile. “I mean, I’m grateful for the thoughtful gift but…why? I know that you don’t like _like_ me.”

“But I care. Consider this both an apology and a get-well-soon gift.”

I care.

_You do?_

I care.

_I’m not going to die._

Baekhyun sat up on his bed with a groan and rubbed his eyes, mind still hazy and eyelids heavy as he slowly slipped out of his slumber and regained control of his body. He’d dozed off after meeting up with Kyungsoo and having another coughing fit (a considerably less violent than all the ones he’d experiences thus far), in which he spat out a lonely flower bud that he didn’t dare throw away. The flowers that Kyungsoo brought him were still in the vase sitting on his small desk, absorbing the remainders of sunlight seeping in through the blinds before the day makes way for the night.

The arrangement was small and clearly made by inexpert hands, and all the red and violet were too strong and lacked any sort of harmony—but Baekhyun was fascinated by the fact that Kyungsoo hadn’t meant to give him a visually pleasing flower arrangement but rather a meaningful one. Maybe he was looking too much into it but he’s started to wonder if perhaps this was a metaphor for the ugly side of love and the beauty in being heartbroken. Baekhyun scoffed.

There was no way he could fall out of love with Kyungsoo, especially after this.

Sighing, Baekhyun sat down and stared a little longer at the flowers, caressing their petals with the pads of his fingers with utmost care while tracing Kyungsoo’s face in his head, smiling to himself. These flowers were bound to eventually wither, just like Baekhyun was waiting in the death row for his unrequited love to take away the remainder of his youth. Why him? He absentmindedly picked up a fallen red poppy petal and took it to the bathroom to carefully and thoroughly wash it under the stream of water, and then popped it into his mouth as if it were some candy. It didn’t taste good but he ate it, anyway, figuring that there shouldn’t be any danger in it.

He returned to his desk a moment later and eyed the flowers once again, taking them out of the vase and laying them across its surface, raising a brow when he found a note hidden between the petals of one of the roses. How could he have missed it? Curious, he took it out and set aside to dry, leaning closer and squinting as he tried to read the slightly blurry words written in blue ink. 

_If I had a flower for every time I thought of you…I could walk through my garden forever._

Baekhyun’s eyes skirted over the phrase over and over until they stopped making sense, and only then he pulled back and flopped onto his bed with a heavy sigh. Was this a joke? No. Why would Kyungsoo mess with him and his feelings like this, in such a cruel way? He wouldn’t. That was not the kind of person that Do Kyungsoo was, and Baekhyun wasn’t a mediocre quitter. 

Why would he need to either give Kyungsoo up or die? Why couldn’t he live and get the boy? Why had it taken him so long to realise that there had been an option C all along that he’d neglected, an alternative ending to this tragedy? What made him crave death so bad that he’d come to accept that as his ultimate fate? Baekhyun wasn’t unlucky—he was just plain stupid.

 

+++

 

_The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of them all._

Monday rolled around and Baekhyun was still alive, albeit a bit nervous to go to school. His health seemed to have improved throughout the weekend to the point where he didn’t throw up again, but the flowers that Kyungsoo gave him had withered overnight and he wasn’t sure of how to break the news to him because he couldn’t think of an explanation to the strange phenomenon and he didn’t want Kyungsoo to think he’d let them die.

Was there any relation between the withering of the flowers and the sudden improvement of his health? Baekhyun thought that there might be, but the meaning of all this remained a mystery to him. All he knew was that he wasn’t feeling sick anymore and his heart and chest no longer hurt whenever he thought of Kyungsoo, and hope was bloomed within him. If Kyungsoo was okay with him having feelings for him, then he surely wouldn’t mind Baekhyun belatedly accepting his offer of becoming friends and wanting to get closer to him. That’s what he hoped, at least.

“I’m no doctor but you already look heaps better.” His friend commented as they made their way over to their lockers, pinching Baekhyun’s cheeks as they made their way over to their lockers and earning a playful smack on the back of his head in return. Instead of whining and complaining, he blinked a couple times and pointed at something in front of them. “What’s that?”

“What’s what?” Baekhyun asked, falling silent upon noticing the single red poppy taped to the door of his locker. He could only think of one person responsible for this, and his suspicions were confirmed when he spotted Kyungsoo grinning at him from the opposite end of the hallway, wearing a flower crown made entirely of red poppies on his head.

_This is alright._


End file.
